


Five Crossovers I Will Never Write (and The One I Will)

by BasicallyAnIdiot



Category: Bleach, Final Fantasy VII, Hetalia: Axis Powers, Naruto, Okami, Pocket Monsters SPECIAL | Pokemon Adventures, Rurouni Kenshin, Shaman King, Tales of Symphonia, due South
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humour, crossovers, five crossovers I will never write and the one I will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2012-11-18
Packaged: 2017-11-18 23:34:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/566535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BasicallyAnIdiot/pseuds/BasicallyAnIdiot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some stories are serious, others are destined to be funny, but at the end of the day a story is just meant to be told.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Crossovers I Will Never Write (and The One I Will)

**Author's Note:**

> Edited by RBMIfan (who is awesome). 
> 
> Nothing too serious. Just some ideas explored. 
> 
> Naruto x Tales of Symphonia  
> Pokémon Adventures x Rurouni Kenshin  
> Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess x Final Fantasy VII  
> Okami x Shaman King  
> Naruto x Bleach  
> due South x Axis Powers Hetalia

**1) Duty**

He wanted to say, ‘I’m sorry.’ To explain why he was going stop this Journey of Regeneration before it got too far; he couldn’t though. They were good kids, a little naïve, but slowly beginning to realize that the world was not the place they thought it to be. The Chosen was the only one of the youngsters to show any sign of true maturity. 

Not that it mattered: their journey would pause in mere moments.

A memory of Naruto, five-years old and into everything and why Gods, why did he have to take after Kushina and not listen to him and go into the woods?, chasing after Lloyd from just a few days ago came to him. A brief flicker of emotion dawned, and ruthlessly he smothered it. 

‘Naruto, hang in there.’ He had taken a silent breath, when he saw that note, regaining a heritage he had locked up upon arriving in this world. It came back easier than expected, and once more his career as a simple farmer felt more like a poorly written cover story. He was a shinobi, born and raised. And he was a Kage.

But more than all of that; he was father. Those note writers better run and hide because he was one to take threats personally- and he dealt with them rather personally. He had a plan to save Naruto, but it would require some blood.

A plan, shinobi-designed and involving skills that he refused to have go dull on him since he had arrived, that would work. Which made it easier to pull out his flax jacket from the hidden closet, sharpen his kunai and prepare for this mission. Crouching above the group in dense tree, silent and lethal- his blue eyes were cold and hard. He’d make it painless. They deserved that much.

And, like a hawk, Minato jumped down.

**2) Gambling**

Damn. This egg-thingy was good. Like damn good. Granted, Sano hadn’t quite figured out how something with no fingers managed to get so good at cards. And it must have been cheating. No doubt about it. There was no way it knew exactly what his hand was, and if it was using telepathic skills its owner's Alakazam would have interfered by now. 

Beside him, his Houndoom was wearing an exasperated expression and privately debated if he should stop telling the Togepi his master’s hand. Then he recalled the incident involving that Ferret and Megumi. Ribbons and Houndooms just didn’t jive together.

And that Togepi had promised him a meal that was beyond take out.

**3) Lessons**

It shouldn’t have been possible; wolves didn’t live anywhere near Midgar. Yet there it was, sitting with its head as high as any warrior he had met. A hallucination? Perhaps this was just another Mako-induced nightmare.

But the wolf just sat there, and there was no green tinge to the fog. A white fog, with a distant castle he had once seen in his books as a child- oh Gods, Hojo was messing with his childhood- too far to make out any details. And the thick fur, suited for mountains, was a strange colouring of black and blond that appeared nearly green, which, as far as Cloud could tell, proved this was a hallucination. On the wolf’s proud head, symbols seemed to be placed, symbols that reminded him of his mother’s –She’s dead. She’s dead. She’sdeadshe’sdead- stories of princesses, evil men playing god and a shining hero like Zack (only blond- the colour of the Sun, to fight the darkness of Twilight, his mother explained in the old tongue) on the days spent inside. 

‘Relax; you can’t react properly if you are tense,’ the voice made him flinch. It was deep yet soft, and somehow Cloud knew it wasn’t heard often. The wolf’s blue eyes- more proof this wasn’t real, because wolves’ didn’t have blue eyes- stared at him calmly. ‘We have a lot to do and very little time. Defense first. Draw your sword.’ 

Before he could make a protest that he didn’t have a sword and it shouldn’t matter because this wasn’t real, Cloud felt a weight on his back. Somewhat horrified, he reached for it and the Buster Sword was grasped. “This isn’t mine…this is Zack’s.”

The Wolf stared and didn’t say anything. Then someone was standing there, but Cloud didn’t see any more than a flash of forest green and those wolf eyes before the fight began.

**4) Vacation**

The man scowled, blocking the entrance to the manor with his tall frame, while long white hair was pulled back into a red wrap. Red eyes glanced over the group, and despite his own appearance of sweatpants and tee-shirt, was decidedly unimpressed. “And who the hell are you?” 

It was amusing, Hao thought to himself as he stood in the middle of the prosession, to watch his bodyguards from the Patch Tribe flounder when faced with a Guardian of his homeland. The Great Spirit seemed to sigh in the back of his mind, and informed him that the one before the group was Gekigami. And, the Spirit felt his shaman should know, he was good for a half-mile with a bow so please do try not to annoy him. And he likes steak, for when your guards do annoy him and don’t want to be a pincushion. 

Sometimes Hao had to wonder about that Spirit.

“How dare you! You have no idea-“

“Shut up.” Gekigami stuck a finger in his ear, completely unperturbed by the fact he had just cut off Magna. “You are trespassing. Get lost.” Just like that the doors slid shut. 

Silence descended upon the forest. Leaving the group standing awkwardly on the stairs just outside of the manor of the mountain. Hao kept his carefully crafted smile on, and asked mildly, “Are all the Guardians of the Land like this?”

There was a collective flinch from the Tribe members.

“Actually,” A voice from behind said, “No. In the old days it was more attack first and ask questions later.” A woman strode pass the group with hardly a noise, her long white hair seemly dipped in ink floating behind her, grocery bags in hand. “Of course, I’m told that the Guardians of other Lands follow such tradition. We had to stop after we accidently terrified a group of school children.”

The woman had yet to face the group, but it was the reaction of the Great Spirit that had Hao concerned. The Spirit was… wary. Incredible wary. Like a sibling that had met an older cousin. “Do not annoy her, Hao.” And, almost as an afterthought, “Please.”

With animal grace, the woman moved to the door- the Patch Tribe parting before her. Opening the entrance she dropped the bags into the surprised grasp of Gekigami (who’s mouth was half opened in what probably would have been a shout) and turned. Warm amber eyes confidently met the gaze of all, and, for some reason, Hao didn’t feel the same hesitance as the Spirit. In fact he felt… safe.

“Hmm” The woman tilted her head much like a dog or wolf would, before nodding. “I like you, King Hao. Pity you aren’t taller.”

The safe feeling was _gone_.

**5) Check Ups**

Per regulations, every shinigami had to have an annual check-up to insure that no sicknesses or viruses entered the fighting forces. These check-ups kept the 4th division busy for close to two weeks even when everything ran smoothly and they didn’t count the 11th division. 

Said division was notorious for terrorizing whoever was sent to perform the check-ups, with the 4th divisioner usually found hanging upside down from some ridiculous height and the check ups still to be done. It might have continued this way if Unohana hadn’t personally started performing the examinations. 

Needless to say, after a century of Unohana showing up for the checkups, they were all surprised to see a busty blond standing at the front of the training grounds with hazel eyes scanning them. She idly flicked back one of her two pigtails, eyes turning to the clipboard in front of her. “I am Tsunade, 3rd seat of the 4th division and today I have the unfortunate duty of making sure you’re all healthy.”

Already the comments were beginning, invitations to bed, were those melons real, would she join them later in drinking. There were puckered lips and other suggestions thrown in. It must have gone on for at least a minute, before, much to everyone’s surprise, the medic smiled. Brightly even, confusing all present.

Raising her hand, fisted, she brought it down hard on the wall behind her. The earth shook from the impact and the wall, that had withstood years upon years of abuse from the 11th division without a scratch, crumbled from beneath her fist. On the other side of the rubble-that-use-to-be-a-wall several shinigami stared at the stunned 11th division. 

With that same pleasant smile towards the now silent shinigami Tsunade spoke with a slightly raised voice. “We will do these checkups, and none of you will give me problems. Am I understood?”

At no point in history had anyone heard so many “Yes, ma’am”s in complete unison from the 11th division.

**And the one I will…**

**As the North Wind Blows**

“I hate you all.”

“Now, Ray. It’s not that bad. I’m sure it won’t stain the seat.” 

The detective disagreed. “This car is in mint condition, Fraser. It’s like a dog sled that has only been used in ideal conditions. You do not subject it to this kind of abuse!”

In the back sit the teenager, whom Ray couldn’t wait to get rid of, was blissfully unconscious and unaware of the discussion. Diefenbaker had settled himself across the lap of Ray’s unwanted car guest and seemed content to doze off. 

There was silence in the Riviera for a moment, each officer lost in their own thoughts.

“So… where are we going?”

“To the clinic, Fraser. Just like you recommended.”

Fraser glanced at his partner, “Uh, Ray?”

“Yes, Fraser?”

“I already know where we’re going.”

Almost simultaneously the two turned to look at the backseat. There, blond hair matted, blue eyes bright, broken glasses still clinging to his face and covered in dirt and other debris, the teenager waved, the other hand scratching Diefenbaker behind his ears. “Hi! And before we go to the clinic can we pick up some burgers, because man, I’m starving!”


End file.
